living with chronic illness

I am posting this passage written recently on a separate thread I normally reserve for a specific audience-those coping with chronic pain.  I think that it merits a repost on the main thread.
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It is difficult for people who do not have chronic illness to cope with the lifestyles of those who have disabiling conditions.  One of the challenges for people with chronic illness and those who love them is coping with the impact of the unpredictable and disruptive nature of illness.  We may miss out on family functions, may miss work, may find it difficult to keep appointments with doctors as well as a host of other commitments to friends and family.  We just aren't as dependable in some ways as we would like because of the somewhat spontaneity of the symptoms.

I absolutely feel grateful NOT to have a terminal illness.  I am grateful for the 'up' days.  But I am also keenly aware of the setbacks, the missed opportunities, and disappointing family and friends.  It hurts.

Adjusting to chronic illness is a process.  For some, like me, there is a mourning the loss of the active life I once knew.  There is the life 'before illness' and all that has come since.

The challenge is to find peace through a balanced perspective.  Yes, there are some things that I have chosen to accept that I may not fulfill in this lifetime.  Having chronic illness means change. But that is something that we all have in common-the predictablity of change!

I can list all the things that I find disparaging about living with a disabling illness-OR-I can share what I have learned from having to adapt.

acceptance:  I was almost a 'type A' personality.  I was a perfectionist and stressed out so much when I couldn't be perfect that I made myself sick!  Getting smacked down with a migraine has forced me to relinquish control, to let go of that striving for perfection and to accept myself as I am today.  That's not a bad thing.

compassion:  It is so true that if you haven't gone through something yourself it is difficult to understand what someone else is going through.  Ok.  So-now I have the ability to be of service to others who are suffering, who are in pain, whose lives have been disrupted through illness and loss-I can offer empathy and compassion. If having illness forges my spirit into a more compassionate loving one then that is a good thing!

gratitude:  oh boy.  I cannot fully express how freeing it is to feel gratitude for every day I am alive-and every day my children are healthy and happy.  Having an illness reminds us of our mortality.  It reminds us that time is limited and we had better kick ass while we are here!  It reminds us that we must cherish our time with friends, family, engage in our passions, to live life fully while we can!

Pain sucks. Being sick sucks. Don't get me wrong.  I have wallowed in the pity, experienced the full-on depressions and felt, at times, like giving up.  But that doesn't last long before I am reminded that life is brief and beautiful and I will savor every gritty, gorgeous, sensuous, meaningful, keenly felt moment of every day that I still am lucky enough to be alive.