According to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention an estimated 1 in 10 adults in the United States report having depression and major depressive disorder is listed by the National Institute on Mental Health (NIMH) as being the leading cause of disability in the United States for ages 15-44.
While not all people who are depressed attempt or commit suicide the suicide statistics are staggering. NIMH reports suicide as being the 10th leading cause of death in the U.S. with approximately 11 suicide attempts per every completed suicide. In my home state suicide is reported by the Oregon Health Authority as the second leading cause of death among Oregonians aged 10-24 and Oregon's youth suicide rate continues to rank higher than the national average.
Yet.......who is talking about it?
The stigma associated with mental illness runs so deep that for many the topics of depression and suicide are just too uncomfortable. It's like the 'elephant in the room' scenario. The family member afflicted with depression is quietly discussed behind closed doors. The service for the deceased person in the family who died by their own hand is hushed. Individual family members fear the cause of death will be 'leaked' even though there is no mention of 'it' in the obituary.
In addition to the stigma associated with mental illness that makes it difficult for people to have real conversations about the loved ones who suffer from the illness, it is just hard to address something we cannot 'fix'. People fear mental illness and especially fear suicide. A suicide brings about feelings of blame-self blame i.e., 'I should have known...', or 'it's my fault', as well as blaming the individual i.e., 'suicide is such a selfish or cowardly act'. The misinformation and lack of understanding of the causes of suicide and depression, I believe, are a direct result of not talking about it. Further, if we have a better understanding, are better informed, there is hope to reduce the frequency of suicide.
So-what can we do?
Watch for warning signs. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention lists the following warning signs of suicide:
Observable signs of serious depression:
Unrelenting low mood
Pessimism
Hopelessness
Desperation
Anxiety, psychic pain and inner tension
Withdrawal
Sleep problems
Increased alcohol and/or other drug use
Recent impulsiveness and taking unnecessary risks
Threatening suicide or expressing a strong wish to die
Making a plan:
Giving away prized possessions
Sudden or impulsive purchase of a firearm
Obtaining other means of killing oneself such as poisons or medications
Unexpected rage or anger
with children/teens warning signs may also include:
anxiety/stress
change in grades/school performance/participation
withdrawal
lack of interest in friends/activities
expression of 'not caring'
sleeping alot
drug/alchol use
expressing desire for everything to 'stop' or desire to 'go away'
expressing thoughts of harming or killing self
be aware of suicide risk factors
examples of risk factors include-but are not limited to:
• Previous suicide attempt(s)
• History of depression or other mental illness
• Alcohol or drug abuse
• Family history of suicide or violence
• Physical illness
• Feeling alone
Listen. There is a myth that people who are suicidal don't talk about it. Approximately 50 to 75 percent of all persons who commit suicide give some indications of their intentions to a friend or family member. If someone you know expresses a desire to go away or says they want to die get them help now. Do not wait until it is too late. You can being to help by listening with compassion and letting the person know that you care and are concerned. More detailed information on how to help someone who you suspect may be intending to harm themselves can be found on AFSP's website under topic 'When You Fear Someone May Take Their Life'.
Advocate
Be proactive: advocate. Contribute to organizations working to make a difference such as the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Ask our schools if they have an active, in-school suicide prevention program and if not-advocate for one. If your child is at risk (for example, history of depression/suicide in family or among her/his friends) then communicate with the school counselor and help create a safety plan.
Share
Share information, share stories. Those of us who have survived suicide attempts, are parents of teens who attempted suicide, who lost loved ones to suicide-we have so much to share with each other. Being open with others about our experiences helps others who are grappling with these issues. Having a suicide or suicide attempt in our lives makes us members of a unique club of sorts. Because people who have not shared the experience have difficulty relating it is important to for us to find each other and support one another. If you experienced loss through suicide find a suicide grief support group. If you are a parent whose child attempted suicide reach out to others online or in person for support to get through the life-altering event. If you survived a suicide attempt yourself joining a support group along with one-on-one therapy can be so helpful so that you know you are not alone.
We can make such a difference in each other's lives.......if only we care enough to share.
with compassion and hope....
j
I found these books and websites particularly helpful:
Children of Jonah: Personal Stories by Survivors of Suicide Attempts
compilation of stories shared by survivors of suicide attempts.
Silent Grief: Living in the Wake of Suicide
helps guide friends and families of suicide victims through a program of grief recovery. Of special interest to parents and educators of teenagers.
thoughtful essay on the stigma associated with depression:
The Effects of Stigma Applied to Depression by Sarah Payne
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP)
this website has a wealth of information on many aspects of suicide prevention-it is my 'go to' site for suicide information and I am happy to contribute to their awesome 'Out of the Darkness Walks'-a moving and successful fundraising event.
AFSP compiled a list of helpful books/guides for survivors-to find the list go to:
Books We Recommend for Survivors
and AFSP's bibliography of resources on Depression:
Depression
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