Saturday, September 22, 2012

I love old things, color, patterns, and textiles.  No surprise then that I enjoy collecting old quilts-my favorites being crazy quilts.

Crazy quilts respresent life to me in all its random, quirky, odd beauty with much heart thrown in!  I like to think on the woman who breathed life into the quilt as she constructed it from bits of old clothing-perhaps her man's threadbare shirt, her daughter's outgrown castoff dress, a toddler's blanket.  Each remnant that is woven into the quilt is born anew, a life recycled, memories preserved in the textile's patterns, initials of loved ones embroidered with love on a carefully crafted square.






One of the quilts that I absolutely treasure is a 'friendship quilt'-crafted with loving hands of women friends, each working their special squares with embellishments unique to their own lives, mingled with swatches of her companions' lives.  I can imagine the women sharing stories, laughing, perhaps singing, sharing their hopes, their joys, their bittersweet memories as well as the happy ones.  Their handiwork results not only in a masterfully crafted quilt, signed and dated by each friend, but adds to the creation of shared memories between friends and a memory capsule of sorts to be enjoyed for generations.



Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Listening to our Children

Today I came across an article that is rather timely.  Wish I had read it before a conversation that went a bit south with my teen daughter.  The point of the article is that as parents we, with good intentions, want to 'fix' our children's problems, make the hurt go away, impart our wisdom, etc., etc.  But sometimes we   j u s t  n e e d  t o  l i s t e n  with an open heart and mind.  Our children, especially our teens, are learning to navigate the waters.....we need to let them figure things out, let them know that they are capable, that we believe in them.

The article is worth sharing:

http://startempathy.org/blog/2012/09/how-listen-your-child-even-when-listening-hard

now, to eat my humble pie as I did not just listen to my girl.

hrrmph.

J

Fall's Promise

After a day of frenzied back to school shopping with the girl I welcome the quiet calm of this new morning.  The first week of September means a coolness and slight crispness is in the air.  This is always my favorite time of year-fall has always felt like renewal to me: when I was a child in a turbulent home summers brought a certain dread because I was settled into the home environment, surrounded by a chaos of emotions. So summer's end brought a feeling of hope and stability as I returned to the excitement and safety of school.

To escape the stressful confines of 'home' during the summer months I spent as much time outside as possible.  The woods excited me with their musty smells of damp soils mingled with fir and cedar boughs and the distinctive odor of the western skunk cabbage, Lysichiton Americanus.  The sounds of the forest: the birds, the insects, the frogs of the bogs, the cracking of old twigs under my feet, or the creaking sounds of the monolithic cedars as the limbs swayed in the breezes, all a symphonic score that was the both the sweetest music to my ears and soothing salve for my troubled soul.  The vast fields to the north and west that changed wildly with the seasons: summers turned the tall grasses a golden hue, the sedges prickling my bare legs as I walked.  Animal scat clusters and owl pellets littered the furrows between the grasses.

Summer's close brought the blackening from the field burnings. I watched both with apprehension and excitement as the field workers with their protective gear plodded along torching the grasses creating a smoky low burning fire-and I can still hear the crackling sounds as the dry grasses yielded to the flames.  The soles of my shoes were sooty from walking the freshly charred fields and the pungent smokey smell of the burnt stubbles was sometimes overwhelming but not enough to deter a child from exploring   freshly burned fields.

Fall brought the Indian summers-the horizon just above the fields appeared to glow from the sun's rays and Mt. Hood seemed to loom larger in the view to the east.  There was a certain pick-me-up in the air so my walks were brisk and everything felt quite vibrant.  The deer stayed close to the edge of the fields nearest the woods this time of year yet sightings of their gentle form were frequent and comforting.  The occasional sightings of coyote and fox thrilled me and excited my faithful friend, Koala, our blue-eyed Australian sheepdog.  When she spotted wildlife in the fields her bobbed tail wagged wildly as she stood her post-ears perked, eyes wide, and flashing her widest grin!

Spring brought the rains that washed the discarded remnants of the past from their hidden places down the slopes of the hills in the fields.  After each rain, mother and I would pull on our rubber boots, put on our coats and trudge into the fields to look for arrowheads and other stone tools crafted from the hands of members of the Molalla peoples, the original inhabitants of the area,  and miscellaneous old stuff:  pieces of broken purple glass, old buttons, marbles, broken china-flotsam from the pioneers who lived on the land after the indigenous peoples had been driven out to live a very different life on the Grande Ronde reservation.  My heart was torn between the guilt of enjoying the beauty of the land in our possession while mourning for a people who had lost their lifeways of living in such a lush, abundant environment.

Home meant isolation. If not for nature I would have felt quite lonely. Returning to school brought friends, teachers, and so many BOOKS.  Teachers provided assurances through praise and high marks.   School opened my mind.  The school girl version of me was the modern-female-scientist: at once botanist, zoologist, archaeologist, biologist, astronomer.  If there was a common name-there was a better sounding and far more interesting Latin name.  Every living thing, every object had a scientific name that I had to know.  Field notebooks littered my bedroom floor with notations on every leaf, rock, animal, artifact, star sighting.  I couldn't learn enough fast enough.  The textbooks, reading lists, filled me with knowledge-so much excitement and stimulation. Great works of literature filled my mind and moved my heart. Science teachings brought a keener interest in the workings of nature-the mechanics behind the forming of mountains, soils, rocks, and life itself.   Knowing more meant a deeper, more intimate relationship with the world around me-a world in which I could escape from the darkness of home.  I was genuinely happy at school-and those early years instilled in me a love of learning that is at the core of my being to this day.  And today, with each start of the school year, as I help my daughter prepare for the return to school, as I watch her at 16 years of age just beginning to come into a world of her own doing, I smile as I feel that same sense of wonderment, that refreshing spirit of renewal with the hopes and promise for what lies ahead.

J




Monday, September 3, 2012

Fiberworks for De-Stressing

When we were at the Pirate Festival in St. Helens, OR, I was super happy to find a kindred spirit in a rug-weaver!  We talked about rug-making-how healing it is and how we feel so connected to women of the past through an ancestral art.  She was gracious in allowing me to photograph her at her craft:



I love history-consider myself a student of history.  When I weave I swear that I can feel my fingers move in rythmic harmony with women who have gone before me.  My grandmother taught my chubby child fingers to crochet.  How I loved feeling her cool, gentle hands guiding mine with every stitch.  When I crochet today I feel connected to her and feel such a sense of appreciation for the time she spent with me-with great patience (!) teaching me such a beautiful traditional artform.  I am proud to say that I have a ginormous white crocheted bedspread that she completed-gifted to me from my sister from Grandma's estate. It is as beautiful for aesthetic appeal as it is for the memories it brings to life.  I'll need to take a photo of it to share for sure!

I work on a simple frame loom that my dear husband made for me.  I love that it is lightweight, portable and was made with his own hands.  I call it 'weaving with love' when I take to the loom.  A photo of a rug-work in progress, shows some of the frame along with the lavish color palate that is so fun to healing to work with:

the vibrant colors and freestyle pattern is so freeing! this is made on the frame loom my husband made for me!

a completed loom rug in earthtones: herringbone pattern
and this is an example of a crochet 'sampler' rug using precut jellyroll strips:


foot ready!  


close up shows the beauty of the colors-each so different yet the harmonize so well!

I find the making of things to be such a healing thing to do--with the stress of everyday life weaving and crocheting are positive ways of improving my health.  I'd love to hear from others how you cope with stress.  What activities bring you comfort?

J.











Motherhood, Fibromyalgia and Pirates!

Took the girls (daughter and her friend) for a drive on Saturday.  After spending ten days of fun with her pop in NYC I wanted to share some fun time, too.  It's difficult at times for me to be truly active as I try to manage fun and rest.  I have Fibromyalgia and migraines so there is an unpredictablity factor for  the window of opportunity as well as needing to pace myself to avoid a fibro flare.  But being able to enjoy the 'up' time with my daughter is so special to me as not only do I want to enjoy her company but I also want her memories of me to not be just 'the mom with the icepack on the couch'.

So-we took a short trek up Hwy 30 for destinations of Scappoose, St. Helens, and Rainier.  Short trip-but full of nature's beauty!!!  We didn't have an actual plan-just sort of in exploration mode.

At around 1:30 in the afternoon, we became a hungry threesome so stopped at the Burgerville in St. Helens.  "You here for the Pirate Festival?" asked the employee working the drive-up window.  PIRATE FESTIVAL????  Arghhhhh!  You betcha!  With directions secured, we proceeded onward for some pirate fun!

It is an annual event--here's a link for anyone looking for a good time in St. Helens, OR next year:
http://portlandpiratefestival.com

Oh, the costumes!  The people!  The food!  The gorgeous views of the river!

I especially enjoyed the music:



and the views of the river



The festival took place along the waterfront and in the historic district of St. Helens.  Such a lovely time!  but...........the walking.  With fibromyalgia the muscles in the legs can weaken and be quite painful.  As I am writing this on Monday I am still recovering from the activity.  It can be difficult to find a balance of activity and rest with fibro because I am still trying to figure out how much I can do without getting sicker.  But then......there are some things worth doing!!!! Who could pass up spending a beautiful day near a river...with pirates?!  So, those of us with fibro take our chances and accept the consequences.  I think the trade-off is worth it : )  I know the girls had a wonderful time--seeing them enjoying themselves together is priceless.  And, if I hadn't pushed myself I would have missed out on scenes like this:





The time we spend with our teens in fun helps us to weather the stress and worry that comes with the territory.  This is the much needed balance that we strive for in our family.

mmmm. wonderful visualization for  relaxation!
hope you find the balance and enjoy the beauty of a lighter moment of the day!

J





Saturday, September 1, 2012

Parenting Reflections

Over the past ten days I had a break from parenting when my daughter was away on a vacation with her father.  During that time, while I missed the girl, I did some reflecting on parenting a teen-the successes, the not-so-successes (no failures in parenting!).  I was able to step back and consider the approaches to working out conflicts that seem to work--i.e. keep the balance as much as possible!

Let us acknowledge how difficult it can be for our teens.  Their brains are literally undergoing tremendous changes, fast-growth.  I think the teen years may be the most difficult-not because our children are beastly but because they have so much to cope with: biology, school stress, worrying about  their future goals, choosing the best colleges and making the grades to get themselves into said colleges, peers, boyfriends, girlfriends.....and parents.   Key to the conflict that may arise between parent and teen is the lack of awareness of how very different the teen brain is.  We expect reason-our reason.  But as a teen they have their own reasoning that is in a constant state of development.  Each experience brings about much learning, formulating identity, their sense of values, self-perception, judgement of the world around them....all in a state of flux like shifting sands beneath their wary feet.  Throw in the hormonal fluctuations and the mix can be quite volatile!  Worse, it can be so stressful for them that they doubt themselves, doubt the world, and their esteem suffers for it.  Our job then is to provide an environment in which they can feel safe to explore their identity, to test their wings, to individuate.

I have learned some essential practices that have really helped my daughter and I work together and they are:

express love often  (they may roll their eyes-but it does make them feel good!)

have tons of patience (this is a tough one and we will all have those 'moments'....just practice the patience as much as possible-you'll feel good for it and so will your teen!)

non-reactivity-stay calm during the storms!  (this really works with my teen-it drives her a bit nuts when I don't react but it demonstrates that things will be okay thus giving them a sense of security)

allow your teen to contribute to setting limits, creating schedules for chores, homework, extracurricular activities, family plans.  (letting them be a part of the decision making process helps them to feel a sense of autonomy, that they have some choices and fosters a sense of responsiblity for their lives and their role in the family life. This practice has really helped to better our 'working' relationship and has made my daughter feel a sense of value and purpose in the family. We no longer fight over chores and homework!)

tell your teen that you believe in them.

let them take responsibility.....and let them make their own mistakes!  (we learn most from our mistakes.  If we do not allow them to assume responsibility for their schoolwork, afterschool jobs, etc. how will they ever be able to assume their independence?)

talk to them.  ask them how their day was.  check in frequently.  it shows you care.

take time for yourself.  You will be a more patient, loving, supportive parent if you feel that your needs are being met!